All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
