he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
