That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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