hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
