sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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