I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You dont lie about slip and slides
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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