Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
