hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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