Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
