Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
