just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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