I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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