Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
