oh god the rape fog is back!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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