So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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