the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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