for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
