my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
