so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
