Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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