Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
