I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
