If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
