Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
