everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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