He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
