Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
