while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
God, I missed his penis.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
