theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
