I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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