I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
