my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
