I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
