Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
