he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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