I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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