I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
