I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
