no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
last night I used snow as a chaser
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize