I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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