youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
