you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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