I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
