Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
