You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
