when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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