She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
