My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
