Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
