OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
