the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
