you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
