My brain says no but my pants say off.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
