He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
