Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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