Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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