guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
