I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
