Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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