saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
