I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
