i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
