This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Life is so much better after having sex.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
