It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
