So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
