I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
