I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
