he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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