final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
